Perfectionism and the Blindside

Singapore

Mar 2 2023

How often do we aspire to do everything the right way? To be able to decide about something and be very confident that it was the right decision? But, we feel that we doubt ourselves a lot. It could apply to something as simple as cooking. Maybe you accidentally added more spices than you intended to, and you start to feel frustration building up in you. Or you responded to a question your colleague had but someone else gave a better answer and you start to feel shame but hide it with a smile in front of everyone else.

Why do we feel this way? And how did the need to respond the perfect way for every situation come about within us?

The Perils of Pursuing Perfectionism

It starts from a young age. From winning simple class games to wanting to be the first in our cohort for all the subjects and even racing our friend to see who will reach home first after school. Most of these are normal parts of our school lives and gave us a lot of good memories. But, not knowing where to draw the line and letting the shame and disappointment linger on within us causes us to grow into adults who need to do everything right. When things don’t happen according to how we wanted them to, the disappointment we feel increases a lot more.

Embracing Life’s Imperfections as Learning Opportunities

What we fail to realise is that life is not meant to be perfect. If perfection exists in an individual’s life, that individual will not have the knowledge or be able to develop skills that would help him or her survive hardships and challenges. Even the slightest remark from someone else would cause their perfect world to crumble because all they ever knew was perfection where everything went right for them.

It is only when things do not turn out the way we thought it would, we find ways to either make it happen or we find something else worth fighting for. This is a skill that helps us see from different perspectives and evaluate choices. If nature itself is not perfect, why do we expect ourselves to be perfect with the choices we make or the things that we say?

Embracing Life’s Imperfections as Learning Opportunities

Every day is a new day. We may be going back to the same office or school but the incidents that are going to happen today will not be the same as yesterday. Then, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to get something right at work or school when the same incident has not occurred so far? When something happens, instead of putting pressure on yourself to solve it, look at it as a learning opportunity first. You are about to learn something from an incident that has not happened so far. Putting pressure on yourself to get it right will end up blinding you. You may make more mistakes than normal because you are very focused on only getting it right and you are not paying attention to the incident as a whole.

Focusing on Your Strengths Instead of Wishing for Perfection

Focus on the qualities you have as an individual instead of wishing you were someone who did things perfectly or hoping you were like your colleague or a sibling. There are things you are not noticing about yourself. Maybe you are a meticulous person, hence, you keep checking your work. Maybe you are ambitious, so you tend to take on more projects than you can handle. You could be a reserved person, thus, you do not like social gatherings or having to speak at meetings.

There are no good or bad qualities. Every quality that you have needs to be adapted to the situation you are in. Paying attention to who you are as a person will help you through different situations because you know how to manipulate your own strengths and weaknesses instead of focusing on things that you are not. Remember that no matter how hard a situation is, you are doing your best. It may not be enough for the people around you but be kind to yourself. Only when you are compassionate towards yourself, you will be able to put in more effort!

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